We’re continuing our series on gratitude. We’ve talked about how thanksgiving is a counter to our culture of self-entitlement and how wondering at the grace of God is to fuel gratitude. This week we’re looking at gratitude and community.
The church pastor was a fine man, godly and with great ambition for God’s kingdom. Yet all he could see was what was wrong with his church. The people were uncommitted, the musicians never practised, the congregation preferred a pep talk on Sunday more than a deep exposition of God’s word. Discouragement filled his eyes. I sympathised with him and then asked him, “So what is good about the church?” It was as if he had never even thought of the question. Slowly, he noted Mrs Wong who prayed consistently for him, Mr Ip who shared his faith with his colleagues. At the end of 5 minutes of sharing, his eyes brightened, he looked up and said “I guess God is more present than I realised.”
But when it comes to relationships we have expectations. But our expectations can easily become demands and when they’re not met, we hold them over people like a drawn sword. When you are dating someone, you begin to notice their flaws. However, with the ‘power of love’ capturing your affections, these blemishes are overlooked in favour of their redeeming qualities. An overtalkative person is cute because they can fill the space that your quietness leaves. A spontaneous person is fun because their last minute decisions create a sense of adventure. Once you are married, those qualities can become irritations. Incessant talking destroys your peace and quiet. Spontaneity is disorganisation and irresponsibility. After an argument with my spouse what fills my vision is not all the ways she serves me and my family, but all that is wrong with her. If only I had a different spouse! Leave that thought long enough and it is not a far journey towards an affair.
It is the same in the church and with all relationships. The closer you become as a community, the more the shadow side of people is revealed. If you believe you are entitled to a perfectly loving spouse, a blameless pastor or an always-finishing-on-time Community group – you are fried! And so are the relationships. You will be the death of them.
Christine Pohl says “Ingratitude toward God and human beings is a terrible thing, but it often comes dressed in other clothing — restlessness, concerns about self-fulfillment or entitlement, and irritation at not being properly valued or recognized. Once a “culture of complaint” is established, it spreads through communities and affects everyone.”
In other words, complaining has the power to pull down a community but it is also true that thanksgiving has the power to lift up a community. Through gratitude our eyes get lifted off earth and onto heaven. When the apostle Paul wants to encourage his readers, he often lets them hear his thanksgiving for them to God. He states to the Thessalonians
“We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers,3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labour of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thess 1:2-3).
Whenever Paul thinks of the Thessalonians, his focus isn’t on all that was going wrong. It is what’s going right. What is he doing? He is spurring them on to continue in the good work they have started. He knows they are not the finished deal yet, but he sees the grace of God that is at work in them and he points it out.
Now, if you counter by saying the Thessalonians were a church that was doing well, of course Paul could thank God for them, then think about his introduction to the Corinthian church, a church so filled with division, immorality and self-centredness it would drive any godly pastor crazy. While Paul will give them some sharp words later on, here is how he starts his letter.
“I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge.” (1 Cor 1:4-5)
In the midst of the mess, Paul is still actively looking for signs of grace. He’s actively looking for how he can thank God for these messy people. This is how grace operates in our hearts. It is not passively waiting for something good to hit us before we’re grateful, it is on the hunt for grace in people’s lives. Even when the mess seems greatest and complaining feels most natural.
Christine Pohl says “We experience God’s gifts when we pause long enough to notice them.” Who and what are you noticing at the moment? Where do you notice grace in your family, in your church, in your CG, in your friends? Respond with thankfulness to God for them.