In these past few years there have been many publications about Christian leaders that were caught in disgrace. Whether this happened due to moral failings, abuse of power or interpersonal conflict, these stories are hard to make sense of. However, these experiences do not just happen on a public platform; some of us may have personally experienced the pain of being hurt either by the church or by a Christian leader. This letter describes what it looks like to steward such an experience…
To my brother or sister in Christ, who has been hurt by a Christian leader
I write this open letter with a heavy heart. A sacred trust has been broken and you have been treated as far less than the son or daughter of the Almighty God, that you are. Not only does this dishonor the name of Christ, but it can also cause deep wounds in followers of Jesus Christ, leaving us hurt, confused, disillusioned. To have your trust broken by anyone is difficult; to have it tossed aside by one who is meant to represent our gracious and humble Christ, is deeply painful. I am so sorry.
If you will allow me, I would love to offer the following suggestions of how to steward this painful experience:
- Be honest with God.
The experience that you have gone through may be one of the most traumatic experiences that you will ever go through. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that you need to just ‘move on’ or not feel the pain of that situation deeply. If possible, pray together with a friend, and share with God your pain and hurt. King Jesus, the One who was abandoned and betrayed by those closest to him knows what it feels like to go through such betrayal and promises to never leave you nor forsake you.
- Be part of a church which will flood your heart with the kindness of Jesus.
When we have been hurt by the church or church leaders, it is tempting to lose confidence in the church and to withdraw from fellowship or corporate worship. Corporate worship however is designed to help us encounter God and be encouraged in the gospel. This means that the one thing which is so difficult to do at this time, is the one thing we need more than ever before.
It may be that God is calling you to remain in the church where you are, and to work through the difficulty with that church family, to grow together and to see resolution and redemption. However, it may be that you cannot remain in that church family. My suggestion would be for you to find a church in which you don’t need to do anything or be anyone special; where you can completely ‘be yourself’, where they will allow you to sit in the back row and be ‘washed by the Word of God’, a place where the songs, the preaching, and various elements flood your soul with the kindness and mercy of Jesus. Jesus is a gracious and gentle King. He said that a bruised reed he will not break; Jesus deals gently with our pains. You don’t need to join this church forever or even commit for the long term. While you’re grieving this hurt, find a gospel community that will help you to experience the restorative kindness of Jesus and let Christ minister to your soul.
- Be mindful of temptation
There is a temptation to let hurt turn into bitterness; which means finding some kind of justice or comfort in thinking (or speaking) badly about that person and not to turn to God. This is an easy temptation to fall into because it can provide a quick relief to the pain that we feel. But bitterness becomes a trap that ensnares us; it never brings true healing or relief and seldom allows us to find redemption.
Each storm in life that we face is an opportunity to be brought deeper in Christ’s love or a chance to harden ourselves and drift away. The trials and the storms of life can become some of the sweetest and most tender moments in our walk with Christ. It may be that God wants to do some profound work in your heart through this storm. So turn to Jesus in this time, and encounter his grace in ways which you never thought was possible before this trial came your way.
- Remember our true and gracious Saviour
Sam Allberry, who worked at Ravi Zacharias Ministries and was deeply impacted by the failings of Ravi Zacharias, reflected on the hurt and pain that comes from being betrayed by Christians leaders, by saying “As Christians, our faith must be in Christ. People will let us down, but Christ won’t. We will never find an ugly side to Jesus that had been hidden all along”. Jesus Christ really is the perfect leader. He is the perfect saviour. He is the perfect king.
My prayer is that in your heart and in our churches, may He increase and we decrease. May you continue to fix your eyes and your hopes on our great and gracious Lord Jesus Christ; may He flood your heart with his indescribable grace and kindness.
Your brother in Christ, and fellow pilgrim of grace.
kevin